*THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE
After a local Democrat pre-filed then withdrew his candidacy within a 48-hour period this week, the Party has decided to regroup around another candidate: a gallon of milk.
The initial mood among the Democratic Party was high that this nominee would last at least two weeks before it soured on the race. However, some concern was raised that milk may be too polarizing of a figure to win widespread support in a general election.
"I mean, it's milk," one local Democrat said under the condition of anonymity. "People either love it or hate it without much middle ground. I think we should have gone with something more diverse that could have a greater widespread appeal. Maybe chocolate milk?"
Early polls that compared the gallon of milk to presumptive Republican nominees indicated likely voters could not find any distinguishing factors between milk and John Murphy, though milk did hold a favorability edge over Scott Adams who is rumored to be entering the race.
At the time of this writing, the milk could not be reached for comment.